Another One Bites the Dust for Christie Brinkley

Things are looking kind of bad for my girl Christie, at least on a personal level. This is marriage number four, shot to hell in an instant. We’re starting to wonder what is going on with her and her relationships; it’s kind of hard to feel really bad when you get screwed over after you’ve been married four times.

I watched all the stories on Extra and Entertainment Tonight , and I decided that this would be a good time to track Christie down and offer her some career advice. In my opinion, this is a pivotal moment for her. This divorce story can put her in spotlight and set her up for a comeback in a BIG way, or it can go the way it’s going, and be another failed Christie marriage story. This is how our little talk went:

C: Hello?

Me: Christie? Christie Brinkley?

C: Yes?

Me: Boy, am I glad I finally caught up with you. You are a hard person to catch up with. How are you? Listen, we’ve got to get to work on putting your side out there to the public with this whole marriage mess.

C: Who is this?

Me: Shhhhhhhhhh……now listen, this is not going well at all. You’re starting to look like a real stooge here with this Mr. Brinkley and the other girl story. And you know that’s who he really is: Mr. Brinkley. We don’t care what his name is, the bottom line is, he’s just Christie’s husband. That’s what you have to remind people, because they are losing the focus of the story. The press is going to make you look like a fool, simply because you are not reminding them that it’s all about you. Remember how when this whole infidelity story broke; everyone wanted to do a story on the girl. The girl! Sure, she was a victim in all this, but let’s face it, she is nobody. Mr. Brinkley is nobody. Sure, in a lot of ways, you’re almost nobody, but compared to them you’re someone. And this is your opportunity to be someone again.

C: Excuse me!

Me: Stick with me for a minute. Let’s talk about this girl. This “other woman”… Who is she? Yeah, at this point, she’s younger and kind of prettier than you, but beauty is relative. And now, a second girl has come forward to talk about her fling with your husband, before he became Mr. Brinkley, and was just “that architect”. Don’t let these young girls ride your coattail to fame, woman!  This is your time to shine! What about Christie? What about your eating disorder?

C: I don’t have an eating disorder…

Me: Okay. We won’t go there. What about an addiction? Jody Sweetin was a crystal meth addict. Poor little Stephanie from Full House, addicted to crystal meth. It’s shocking and sad. How about you overcome an addiction to crystal meth, or do you want a more expensive problem like cocaine? Yeah, that’s more the style of a model…You wanna overcome an addiction instead of an eating disorder? I mean, your family is already out there, supporting you in the media so you can’t say they abused you as a child-

C: Who the hell is this?

Me: Or, you could do the crazy-scary model thing. It’s working for Naomi right now. How about this: you show up at Mr. Brinkley’s office with a ball peen hammer and just start hitting everything in sight until the cops come? Just don’t hit anyone; that’s where Naomi keeps screwing up. Or, you could show up at the girl’s parents’ house in pajamas, and bang on the door screaming that you want to talk to the witch who destroyed your family. But I saved the best for last. This is really crazy, but give it some thought before you shoot it down-

I think something happened to her cell phone at that point, because we were suddenly cut off. When I tried to call back, I couldn’t get through. I’m hoping she broke the phone hitting her husband in the head.

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