John McCain Will Cure Our Mental Illness!

Now that I realize that the 10% increase in groceries in my area is not a cause for alarm, and making less money than I did last year is nothing to worry about, and utility shut off notices shouldn’t upset any American, I’m going to vote for John McCain.

It’s good to know that there is a leader in America who is willing to tell us that “recession” and “inflation” are just  fancy names for “mental illness.” Too bad I can’t afford the necessary medical treatments to be cured…

One Man’s Funny Is Another Man’s Scary

I’m a weirdo. I have a lot of irrational fears, things that I just find unsettling. When I was three, one of my biggest fears was the television announcement that the regularly scheduled programming would be replaced with special programming. And the stupid thing about it was that I could be sitting in front of the television, waiting for the freaking special to air. But I just couldn’t hear the announcer tell me that the regularly scheduled programming wouldn’t been seen. I would actually have to run out of the room.

I’m a lot better now. I still have a lot of things that I find to be unsettling, but I don’t take them seriously. Time and experience have taught me that it’s just because I’m a weirdo.

But this video is where I draw the line. Someone sent this to me, and it was supposed to be funny. Whenever I watch this I want to run away like someone pre-empted Sanford and Son with A Charlie Brown Christmas. Can you imagine going to a public restroom to pee, and a cow barges in? Without knocking? You can’t even hold the door shut while squatting and say, “Someone’s in here,” because Elsie doesn’t understand. She just pokes her huge cow head in with those big cow eyes and invades your space.

It just goes to show, one man’s funny is another man’s scary. I won’t be using the restroom at the rodeo any time soon.