The Thing About Ann Coulter

I don’t like Ann Coulter, and not for the reasons you probably think. The reason I don’t like Ann Coulter is that she is kind of like a butthole that doesn’t serve its owner well.

Stay with me for a minute…Okay first of all, I refuse to liken her to anything other than a butthole, because figuratively, she most resembles one. So keep the image in your mind, and hang in there with me while I explain.

We have all pretty much accepted the practical function of our rectums. It’s not pretty, but it’s a necessary part of our anatomy. And if for some reason it does not correctly do what it is supposed to do, we’d a have problem that would piss us off. There would be crap coming out when it it shouldn’t, stinking things up, making a mess and making our lives ridiculously unpleasant. Or, if it didn’t work, we’d be upset because we’d be full of crap.

In a figurative sense, we know that people who are a-holes must walk the earth. We even are the a-holes from time to time. Running into an individual who is a butthole , and who does that job well, adds to the blend of personalities in our life experiences. It makes cosmic sense.

But, Ann Coulter is a lousy a-hole. She goes overboard, she tries too hard, all the time. Everything that comes out of her mouth, and and all words that can be attributed to her, reek of deliberate hatefulness. A good a-hole, makes being a jerk look easy. But everytime you see her, there she is, human embodiment of a rectum, straining out farts and dingleberries for no damn reason. Just so someone can say, “Eeeeeeww, that’s gross! Cut it out!” Oh my, Ann hates the Jews, Ann hates the liberals, Ann hates the gays, did you hear what Ann said about the wives of the 911 victims?

Ann, stop sitting in the corner, lighting your farts on fire with a match. No one is watching, it’s not cool. Shut the hell up.