The Thing About Ann Coulter

I don’t like Ann Coulter, and not for the reasons you probably think. The reason I don’t like Ann Coulter is that she is kind of like a butthole that doesn’t serve its owner well.

Stay with me for a minute…Okay first of all, I refuse to liken her to anything other than a butthole, because figuratively, she most resembles one. So keep the image in your mind, and hang in there with me while I explain.

We have all pretty much accepted the practical function of our rectums. It’s not pretty, but it’s a necessary part of our anatomy. And if for some reason it does not correctly do what it is supposed to do, we’d a have problem that would piss us off. There would be crap coming out when it it shouldn’t, stinking things up, making a mess and making our lives rediculously unpleasant. Or, if it didn’t work, we’d be upset because we’d be full of crap.

In a figurative sense, we know that people who are a-holes must walk the earth. We even are the a-holes from time to time. Running into an individual who is a butthole , and who does that job well, adds to the blend of personalities in our life experiences. It makes cosmic sense.

But, Ann Coulter is a lousy a-hole. She goes overboard, she tries too hard, all the time. Everything that comes out of her mouth, and and all words that can be attributed to her, reek of deliberate hatefulness. A good a-hole, makes being a jerk look easy. But everytime you see her, there she is, human embodiment of a rectum, straining out farts and dingleberries for no damn reason. Just so someone can say, “Eeeeeeww, that’s gross! Cut it out!” Oh my, Ann hates the Jews, Ann hates the liberals, Ann hates the gays, did you hear what Ann said about the wives of the 911 victims?

Ann, stop sitting in the corner, lighting your farts on fire with a match. No one is watching, it’s not cool. Shut the hell up.

Also Big in Japan: M-Flo and ZEEBRA

This video is called Get On, by M-Flo

And this is ZEEBRA, who is like the Japanese LL Cool J

I Miss Cibo Matto

I miss Cibo Matto. No one sings a song about food like them. Today I will share the lyrics of my favorite Cibo Matto song, and since I couldn’t upload my mp3 of Birthday Cake, I am going to share the Know Your Chicken Video.

SHUT UP AND EAT
TOO BAD NO BON APPÉTIT
SHUT UP AND EAT
YOU KNOW MY LOVE IS SWEET

Yes, I’m cooking for my son and his wife
It’s his 30th birthday
Pour berries into a bowl
Add milk of two months ago
“It’s moldy . . . mom, isn’t it?”
I don’t give a flying fuck though

REPEAT

It’s food nouveau
It’s the shape of love

Beat it! Beat it up!
Extra sugar Extra salt Extra oil and MSG
Extra sugar Extra salt Extra oil and MSG

REPEAT

You were born in the 60’s
We made a war with the Vietnamese
We loved LSD We died easily
Can we just say c’est la vie?
So what! Say what! For your own sake
Do you have a headache or heartbreak?
Are you made or broken by the birthday cake?
You may be slow on the uptake
I pour pot in the birthday cake
So what! Say what! For my own sake
Watch out yo! Here I come yo!
I’m gonna change to a rattlesnake
Turn up the TV! Do you agree?
I’m talking turkey Take it from me
I’m gonna show my love for my dove
“But it’s moldy . . . mom, isn’t it?”

Extra sugar Extra salt Extra oil and MSG
Extra sugar Extra salt Extra oil and MSG

And…

Utada Hikaru- Final Distance

This is an old video of Final Distance from Utada Hikaru. She is from New York, but she has been the queen of Jpop for over 10 years now, and she is only 24. I first heard Final Distance about four years ago, and the version that I heard was a dance remix from M-Flo. I just found this strangely beautiful video of the original version this week.